Must My Aspiring Influencer Friend Cease Using People for Material?

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?